Cowboy rules for:
Arizona, Texas , Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Nebraska and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. (I say to my son ALL the time, in fact, we were in a grocery store and some man came up to him and told him off for wearing those pants around his daughter, I laughed).
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked. (Again, my son)
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. (Just drive your car slower, I do when I am not driving my pickup, which is almost NEVER)
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. (I say to my son ALL the time, in fact, we were in a grocery store and some man came up to him and told him off for wearing those pants around his daughter, I laughed).
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked. (Again, my son)
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. (Just drive your car slower, I do when I am not driving my pickup, which is almost NEVER)
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. (But I do eat sushi, heck I make it!)
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age. (Amen)
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
Words to the wise!
